It is one of the most dreaded things that a woman can be told, “There is a lump in your breast, you need a biopsy”. It terrifies us and in the medical system you are rushed from one process to the other without a moment to think and the system takes full advantage of that fear. We are taught to trust all things that a doctor tells us, we are taught to believe what our leaders tell us. So, we are rushed to a biopsy, then scheduled for surgery, chemo, radiation and on and on. No one stops to ask you what you want to do.
Over my life, I have learned that I must be in control of my mind and my body. I say what I will and will not do regardless of what others, including doctors, think I should or should not do. On November 9th I went to Pasadena to have a Sonocine Scan on my breast instead of a mammogram because I cannot see the logic in submitting my body to radiation. I was surprised that there was a 7mm lump in my breast, surprised, not scared. You see, I know several women who have taken care of their cancer holistically and I have chosen to follow their path. Success leaves a path.
My view of my cancerous tumor is that it is a message sent to me to change things that need to be changed, to learn things that need to be learned, to be present in every moment and to get busy writing my book. Repeatedly I have been given this message, “how much time do you think you have and what are you waiting on?”. Well, now that I have been given the diagnosis of breast cancer, that message could not be clearer. Procrastination is not an option, it is time to move forward, let go of fear and take bold actions to do those things I have been putting off doing. Where do you procrastinate? Where are you putting things off that is calling for your attention?
There are several things that I am going to be doing and changes I am going to be making. Procrastination is not an option in my life moving forward. What I have learned in the last several months is that procrastination is brought about by fear so I have had to take the time to investigate at a deeper level what it is I am afraid of. Having spent a great amount of time working with my friend Beth, time in meditation and journaling has lead me to understand I am afraid of vulnerability, of opening up, of exposing my life to scrutiny, of letting others see my pain. It is the same reason I am not currently in a relationship. I am fearless in the face of cancer and totally terrified of vulnerability.
I have decided to start the writing process using my blog, your comments and feedback may well end up in my book. One of the lessons that I have learned is that we must approach the world fearlessly and allow ourselves to be open, vulnerable and use our brains to make our own decisions rather than be frozen in fear. Our lives are not indefinite, how much time do you think you have?